my friends can be assholes.

I usually find my friends to be helpful, kind people which I rely on time and time again. This is not one of those times, unfortunately. This is one of those stories that ends up on the opposite side of the spectrum. I arrived at my friend Primo’s house one Saturday evening quite hungry, as i had not eaten anything that day. As I am inclined to do time and time again, I raided his fridge for food I came across about two and a half squares of brownies cooked by his girlfriend, Michelle- moist and very appealing brownies to my quite hungry eyes. I tore off the note she left on the note and- to put it simply- I “went to town” on the brownies, eating the baked goods in a slovenly manner. I didn’t care, I was famished. Primo and another friend, Nick, watched with amusement in the kitchen as I ate the brownies. They waited for me to finish the brownies before laughing hysterically, leaving me quite puzzled as i started picking out small chunks of the brownies still in the inside of the pan. I questioned them on the reason of their laughter, so Primo showed me the note Michelle wrote. It read: THESE ARE “MAGICAL” BROWNIES! ENJOY! I froze in shock, looking to the obscene mount of brownies I ate, the pan hanging off of my fingers as my wrist went limp, eyes wide as I glanced back and forth between Primo and Nick in pure horror. Nick chortled and observed that, “Those brownies are going to hit you HARD”. To say I had a bit of a freak out is putting it midly. I tensed, waiting for the brownies to hit me, to really be stoned for the first time. Primo and Nick took extra care to observe me that night- even going as far as to have Primo instructing Nick to watch me in the car as he went to the ATM so I “don’t have a freakout”. I was tensing up a lot- sweating, clenching my fists and hyperventilating, waiting for (and I quote Primo on this) “the munchies to kick in”. We decided to go to In and Out Burger, a popular fast food joint for dinner. Primo and Nick continued to watch as i ordered another obscene amount of food to eat for the coming munchies. I sat there as cars went past us to pick up the food. My palms were sweaty, i was trying to calm myself the best I could. I was going to enter an altered state of mind I hadn’t been to before. Primo and Nick watched utterly amused, giggling. I stopped to look up to them and asked them what they were up to. They giggled and waited for a few minutes before they told me that the pot brownies were a lie. I ate regular brownies. And I thought I was high. No one at In and Out took a second glance as i started to choke Primo out. Goddamn you, placebo effect.

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